What to do if a Judge allows the other side's attorney "in chambers" but not me as Petitioner Pro Se?

You need a family law attorney to discuss more than recusal, the case itself. Yes it was ex parte if you represent yourself and you were not in the conference. Whether you should recuse the judge is another matter based on the entire case.

Depends only on what was discussed. Did you have a lawyer. If not, thats on you. Recusal requires a motion. The moment you file the Court cannot do anything until its heard. The Administrative Judge of the region will assign a judge to hear the motion. It will be up to you to present evidence he did something wrong. If he denies it the same judge continues. I am sure he will not be a happy camper. If he gets recused the case gets transferred to another Judge and the case continues. In a small counties all the judges know each other well. how the new judge feels about the recusal depends on the judge. If you do it good luck. If you dont have a lawyer i suggest you get one. If you do this question should have gone to him/her.

It is very hard to get a Judge recused. You can lodge your objection to the pro se conference. Better, you can hire your own attorney. Pro se people often drive Judges crazy because they are not focusing on any pertinent issues or facts. You may be making a great argument--but if that issue is not set for that date and time--you are out of line and wasting everyone's time. I am not excusing the Judge's actions. But I understand how sometimes the Judge just wants to understand where the case is legally.

I suggest that you immediately retain an attorney. Even though I do not agree with the judges' action, the attorney is an officer of the court and with permission can and do see the judge alone. The Judge should have spoken to each of you at the bench. Before this case go any further, retain a local attorney. I do not think that you should attempt to handle this case pro se. This what a lawyer is paid to do.

You are treading on dangerous ground. Time to consult with a pro.