Arrested for DUI while wearing a beer helmet

Last week I was going for a sunday drive wearing my brand new beer helmet. If you havn’t seen a beer helmet, it’s a baseball helmet with two beer cans on the sides and two straws that go into your mouth. I thought it would be perfect for driving since its hands free, you know…like a cell phone? Anyway, a cop pulled up next to me at a red light so I gave him a friendly thumbs up, but instead of saying hello back he pulled me over and started acusing me of being drunk. But I wasn’t drunk ….. the only thing I had had to drink was the two beers on my head, and they weren’t even finished! So then he makes me do gymnastics and touch myself on the side of the road WITH my beer helmet on. Huh?!!!! Of course I can’t keep my balance wearing that thing and I sure as hell can’t say the alfabet backwards even when I’m sober (seriously, who can?). But no, that didn’t matter… He just kept lauging to his self and telling me to JUMP this, TOUCH that…and with the way he was enjoying his self I think he was some kinda sex pervert. So then when I got into the station they made me wear the beer helmet in mug shots. Now was that really necissary? Are those pictures gonna wind up on the internet or something and embarass my wife? This is total BS. I wasn’t drunk and I’m not gonna stand for being the butt of police jokes. Any lawyers out there MAN ENOUGH (or woman enough… I guess) to stand up for justice? -Otis “Give me Liberty or give me death”.