My ex moved out of state 3 years ago. We have joint legal custody and I've done my best to be an active participant in my childrens' lives. I've also done my best put issues aside and co-parent with her. Unfortunately, she has no interest and consistently violates the decree by not informing me of major issues such as my son failing school, activities, wellness, or anything else I should be aware of as a parent. I recently found out that my son has been in an pre-summer school session for the past months without my knowledge and only became aware when I spoke to the school. This is unacceptable and I need to do something. She continues to alienate me more and more. She also does not facilitate communication with my kids as the decree states. What are my options? Thanks.
You've not mentioned the age of the children, so I'm going to assume they are fairly young and not likely to be interviewed by the judge. And assuming the relocation was done with your consent (to eliminate any question that you've lost any opportunity to complain, even despite the long period that has elapsed since), I'm afraid you have little you can do on a practical level. Unless you can demonstrate that some material change has occurred that negatively affects your children's lives, the custodial order stands. Here, the fact that your child is struggling is your best shot at arguing a material change. (The case that we all rely upon, Ellis v. Carucci, was based in part on a slide in academic performance.) But from a practical perspective, it's still hard to prove that the slide in grades is the result of Mom's inability to properly care for them. It's not impossible, but it's hard. Similarly, alienation is very hard to prove, and even harder to get a judge to do anything substantive about it. Some attorneys will tell you to file a motion to enforce the order, but unless you can conclusively prove that she is affirmatively alienating the kids from you, it's going to be an uphill challenge. Now, if your children are older (say, 16 or older), and if they are wanting to change the current arrangement, you might be able to get a judge to hear what they have to say. Kids under 18 don't get a choice, but they often get a voice in the decision. Bottom line, you should meet with an attorney who can properly advise you after getting the details. You will probably only get one shot at addressing it, and the longer you wait the more likely you are to have to fight this battle in the other state.
I agree with Mr. Pickard if you are pursuing a change in physical custody. I see the question as dealing with the legal custody issues. When legal custody is involved, I would suggest you document everything as thoroughly as possible- keep track of dates and times for all the violations. I would contact the school directly, ask for everything to be sent to you too and see if they have an on-line system for grades and attendance. As for the doctor, I would make a point of keeping in contact with the doctor on a monthly basis, maybe calling the 1st of each month for an update.
If there is a continual violation of the joint legal custody provisions, I would say it has happened more than 10 times, you can file a Motion for Contempt of Court and the appointment of a Parenting Coordinator. The Motion for Contempt would list out the specific violations with dates. If she is held in contempt, this may scare her into keeping you informed and involved. If the Court finds contempt, she can be incarcerated for up to 25 days, sanctioned up to $500 and you can be awarded attorney fees- for each violation. I would consult with an attorney to discuss this option because some Judges can be very good about following through on contempt while some tend to be soft. It is about your audience for contempt. Also, contempt requests are very specific, you need to meet all the requirements which many attorneys even fail to do, so discussing this with an attorney and possibly retaining an attorney is definitely the way to go.
A Parenting Coordinator is someone appointed by the Court to work with parents to reduce conflict and open the lines of communication. A Parenting Coordinator micromanages the small issues which you have outlined and helps provide guidance. The Parenting Coordinator can put a plan in place to make sure you are getting legal custody information and consideration. The Parenting Coordinator also reports back to the Court in most cases.
