Is it possible to successfully work with a mediator even if I want to ask for a minimal amount of spousal support?

It is entirely possible to work with a mediator while seeking spousal support - this is one of the issues that a mediator should address. However, you must be advised: a mediator cannot represent you - either of you. No one can ever represent both parties to a divorce (or any other lawsuit) at the same time. Working with a mediator is not a substitute for having an attorney represent you. An attorney can represent you in the mediation, and help you get the best possible result. Oregon courts require divorcing parents to mediate child custody issues if they cannot agree upon those issues, prior to any court hearing on the matter. This mediation is provided by family court services (online at https://multco.us/dcj/fcs ). However, this mediation is limited to child custody issues - the court-appointed mediators will not deal with spousal support or property division questions. For that, you must retain a private mediator (who can also handle child custody issues too, making court-appointed mediation unnecessary). To do this, you and your spouse must agree to mediate. This is another area where having attorneys represent you can help you - attorneys are often better able to reach agreement on procedural issues like this than unrepresented parties.

Mr. Bodzin has provided you thorough and valuable advice. I would add that there are no guarantees and a mediator may or may not be successful in assisting your husband and you in finding a workable resolution.

Absolutely, in fact a mediator is there to help sort out any of the lingering issues in an ongoing divorce process. Typically, support is often one of the more contested issues and an effective mediator should be of assistance to you in this endeavor. Good luck!

I am not a big fan of mediation although it might be appropriate in some cases. Mediation is just an attorney who acts like a counselor or arbitrator. They have no power to push the agenda of either party. If you already know your husband is going to be resistant to your efforts, put your money into hiring an attorney that will advocate your position and inform you of your rights and your best course of action. Mediators charge the same hourly rate as an attorney and unless your husband consents to the mediation, he is unlikely to help you share the cost. When mediation fails you will be out the money and you will still have to pay an attorney. My preference is for hiring your own attorney. Once the matter is filed in the court, you can request a judicial settlement conference. Your case will be assigned to a Judge who will act similar to a mediator and talk to both you and your husband. I believe this is cheaper and more effective in the long run and I have settled 99% of my divorce cases this way. The cost of a judicial settlement conference is a flat fee - I thing about $200 in Multnomah Count. You have the added advantage that a Judge can tell you husband "if this case came before me as a trial Judge I would rule this way" and this gives both you and your husband some official insight as to how the court might rule if you can't reach an agreement. A private mediator can suggest what a Judge might do but I find that the opinion of an actual trial Judge is more persuasive. Another strategy that might be appropriate for you is to go to the district attorney now, while you are still married, and ask them to start a child support case against your husband. They can do this even though you are still married. It doesn't matter that your husband is not working - they will presume that your husband is capable of working minimum wage at a minimum and will create a child support order that will start accruing now. The advantage of doing this is the DA will do this for free! They will explore your husbands current income earning capability. Having this done before you file for divorce could save you money in the long run. I would however suggest talking to an attorney first to make sure this is the best strategy for you. The forum doesn't allow the flow of communication, questions and answers, that is really necessary between and attorney and a client, before advise is given. So take my suggestions as a suggestions only that need to be further reviewed by you and the attorney of your choice before you act on them.

Mediation is a great way to reach an agreement with your husband regarding spousal support and all other issues related to your divorce, while saving time and money. As Mr. Bodzin noted, the mediator will not, and cannot, represent you or husband, but rather would act as a third party neutral assisting you to reach an agreement. Mediators have various styles and will usually facilitate the communication, brainstorming, and process of reaching an agreement. It is often hard for parties to communicate on their own regarding the terms of their divorce, and this third party is often a useful buffer with issues that are difficult to discuss...especially financials like spousal support. You should research the mediators available in your area, their background and expertise, in deciding who may be a good fit for your case. Search on the internet, and ask friends and family if they have heard of any mediators. If any terms of the divorce are contested it will proceed to court, and at any time you can and should consult with an attorney regarding your case.

A mediator does not represent anyone. He or she is a third party and is neutral. If your soon to be ex agrees, you should be able to save some money and mediate some or all of your issues. A mediator helps facilitate an agreement between you and your husband but does not make the agreement itself. You and your husband do. You effectively take the decision making power away from the judge and decide the outcome of the issue yourselves. The mediator just facilitates you to do this. During the mediation you get the opportunity to speak and be heard. The mediator works with you to develop and consider possible solutions toward a mutually agreeable resolution that, ultimately, is put into written form in clear and understandable language. The negative of attempting to mediate disputes is that you do not agree on anything and still have to pay to go through the court process. I would suggest that you try mediation if both you and your husband are reasonable and understanding of the potential issues involved and what to make the decision on your divorce and other issues yourselves.