I am responsible for 50 percent of the bill for their sports etc. If my kids are not listening, being disrespectful to me and are not behaving and I tell them I am not paying because they are punished and the ex puts them in am I still responsible for the bill?
You must comply with the terms of the divorce agreement, usually called a Property Settlement Agreement, that makes you responsible for these extracurricular activities. You are only excused from meeting your obligation to pay your share of your children's extracurricular activities when there is a provision explicitly excusing you from doing so. You are most likely responsible for the bill even though you are punishing your children, but only a review of the terms of your divorce agreement will tell you for sure. You should seek out a consultation with an attorney if you need further clarification of the specific terms set out in your divorce agreement.
Yes, you must continue to pay. Compliance with a court order is not to be used as a parenting or motivational technique for your children. You will find yourself on the short end of that stick.
Amy B. HanselDivorce / Separation LawyerBradley Beach, NJ ·
You should refer to the specific language in your settlement agreement. Often times, the language is such that you share in "agreed upon" activities. If you can agree with your spouse in writing that these activities are something that should be taken away as a punishment, then you would not be responsible. However, if you and your spouse cannot get on the same page, you would need to return to court and prove a substantial change in circumstance in order to avoid the responsibility.
If they're attending, you guys need to comply with the agreement / judgment and pay your share.
The question of who can punish a child by withholding permission for extracurricular activities was squarely addreed in Pogue v. Pogue, a case often cited for the issue of which parent has authority to do this: http://scholar.google.com/scholar_case?case=902039202991026986& . So, you'd have to first address which of you can decide this. Depends on your facts - who has primary custody, what provisions exist for extra-curricular participation, etc. But, if they're going, then neither of you can refuse to pay as a disciplinary action.
If they punch you in the face, you still have to pay for half the dance classes and tutus. Unless you get this changed in court. I'm sure your ex would be happy if you call it something else and still pay the same amount.
