I'm a stay at home mom, almost 9 yrs. Husband is sole supporter of all financial matters. Well paying position ( expected income to be greater than 250k). What can I expect moving forward. Not expected to be a heated divorce.
Actually, it might get quite heated. Given the length of your marriage, children, assets and the fact that you've been a stay at home mom you can expect the following issues in your divorce: child support, alimony, equitable distribution. I call them the trifecta - they turn any divorce into a contentious one quite easily. There are strategies to avoid friction. You should speak to a lawyer in a private consultation to assess your case
The question really calls for a formal consultation. For example, what is your ability to earn, what was the martial lifestyle, will your spouse be prepared to meet an alimony obligation? Other issues such as custody and parenting time and equitable distribution must be addressed.
Here is what you can expect: your husband will want you to get a job, if he doesn't, his divorce lawyer will try to talk him into that, you can expect your husband's and your pensions to be divvied up, unless your husband is a very very decent guy he will want to sell the house and have you move to a smaller place, he might or might not fight you for 50/50 custody of the children in order to minimize child support, he might or might not want you to minimize your alimony, but you can look forward to 2 years of stress unless you can agree on these issues. It will neither be pleasant nor fun.
It is difficult to give an answer online. You need to sit down with an attorney for a better answer. You will get long term alimony and half of real estate. Have an in an office consultation
If you can time the divorce so that you are married to him a full 10 years while he works in social security contributing employment you will have valuable social security rights that vest in you and you can collect later if you do not remarry. These benefits do not take away from his social security benefits. It may be a small detail in the overall settlement, but be aware than 10 years before finalizing your divorce can be important to consider.
I agree with Mr. Brown.
No lawyer can possibly tell you what to expect moving forward without meeting with you and getting more facts.
One thing that can be said as a virtual certainty is that, if the divorce has be litigated through the court system, the legal fees and costs will be higher than if you are able to resolve it through an Alternative Dispute Resolution process.
I am glad that you do not expect your divorce to be "heated." My recommendation is that you should meet as soon as possible with a very experienced lawyer who devotes his/her entire practice to New Jersey Divorce and Family Law matters, has received special training in an Alternative Dispute Resolution process such as the Collaborative Divorce approach, and is truly committed to helping you use such an approach rather than litigating the case, if at all possible. .
I do not believe that you should necessarily choose a lawyer, just because he or she offers a "free consultation" in his or her office. You want to go to the best lawyer that you can--hopefully one that will take the time to talk to you personally on the phone before coming into the office, so that you can be sure that you are completely comfortable with that lawyer before you meet in person.
I am really surprised most of the answers here. If by saying that you don't believe it will be heated, you mean you both are motivated to keep the cost down and do what is fair (as the law defines the term), Then there is no reason for this to be expensive or acrimonious and I don't understand the pessimism.
No one can tell you exactly what to expect without hearing all the different factors that might affect the outcome. However, there are certain things that are controlled by statute, and certain "rules of thumb" that should give you some guidance.
On a nine year marriage with a large earning disparity, alimony would probably be 4 to 5 years. Again, someone would need to better understand your facts, your age, your education level, what you sacrificed economically for the marriage, but that's a good rule of thumb.
On the amount, and, this is less certain than the duration as it is not as directly controlled by statute, look at 30% to 33% of the difference between your incomes, imputing some to you for these calculations based on your earnings history and education.
Child-support is the easiest one. There's software, it is a matter of plugging in the numbers. The two of you can always agree to a different amount if it makes sense to do so.
Custody -- keep in mind that most parties will reach an agreement. I am really, really surprised that an attorney would say that he will "probably go for 50/50 to keep his child-support down" if the two of you are going about this as adults trying to keep the cost down, I'm sure that you've already discussed what would you do as to custody and sharing time with the kids, to minimize the damage to them and ensure them both a loving relationship with both their parents.
Only someone who does not understand how child-support works would say that attempting to get shared parenting is done to lower child support. Shared parenting means that he has enough overnights that he is incurring additional expenses, like paying for separate bedrooms, paying for food for them, buying them clothes. Yes, a lower check gets written between the parents, but the amount being spent on the kids does not go down. And, it is not uncommon for someone to wave getting a break on child support as part of an overall package.
Equitable distribution means that the two of you divide whatever assets were acquired during the marriage, backing out anything premarital first and anything either of you received from a third-party by way of gift or inheritance.
I very much second with Catherine Ross said, there's various ways to delay the entry of the final judgment until the 10 year mark, which is usually relevant for Social Security purposes.
This is a long message, in part because I was so surprised by the other ones. If the two of you want to settle in quickly and inexpensively, and you are confident that you are aware of the finances and what is there, then I suggest finding an attorney mediator who specializes in family law. He or she can help you to to reach an agreement and explain a lot to you.
My only suggestion is to choosing a mediator is to make sure that it is a family law attorney. That is not said to try to drum up business for a colleague, it is because I have seen way too many nightmares from nonattorney mediators who have no idea what they are doing.
As a general matter I strongly advise mediation (at least at first) in this circumstance. I don't practice family law but am happy to recommend some mediators if you'd like.
Also, you should be aware of the "10 year rule" for social security benefits--it could be VERY important to your situation.
Best,
