I am 22 years old and have an 11 month old son. The father and I were never married. We WERE together and used to live together. We split up when our son was about 6mos. I have NEVER done a drug in my life - INCLUDING weed/pot, whatever. I am considering working as an exotic dancer part time. Would this effect my chances of gaining sole legal custody?? As of now, the father sees my son every other wknd - we've agreed upon that. And when we file for custody/child support, we have planned on keeping this schedule. Will the courts look at my type of employment and laugh at me and give my ex custody? Will my ex be able to 'use' this against me? I realize the main worry is 'strippers become addicted to drugs,' but again, I've never had an interest in drugs. Never. I can dance and shake my booty totally sober. That being said, I feel there's nothing wrong with doing this. Of course I'm putting my body out there. But I don't see any legal problem with being a TOTALLY loving and caring and giving mother. I would leave work at work - where it belongs. Please, somebody, help me...
Thank you.
Some background:
The father has been arrested for Domestic Violence, against myself, before I became pregnant.
I have been the 'primary caregiver' of our baby since he was born. I stayed home about 4 months with him, and from there only worked part time.
Since the father and I have split, the baby has lived with me, in my mother's home for about 5 months now (as of Dec 08).
I once helped a stripper who had used drugs to keep custody of her child. Can he bring it up to the court? Sure. People bring up stranger stuff than that, sometimes even fabricated. I can't promise that the court will allow you primary custody no matter what. The court process looks to the best interests of the child, including stable history, etc. The fact that your current arrangement is working for your child is a HUGE factor.
I strongly recommend you don't get in the habit of taking your kid to work if you can't find a sitter.
Hi there. I am a divorce attorney in Gilbert, Arizona.
While your choice of profession may cause some eyebrows to raise, judges will probably be more concerned about the domestic violence issues. Simply put, adults are free to do adult things in their lives as long as the children remain oblivious to those adult issues. Your dancing is a legal profession and if drug usage is asserted by your ex, the judge will likely order you to submit to a drug test. You'll come back clean and that issue will be likely put to bed.
The issue of sole versus joint custody is a different issue, though. It sounds like your greatest concern is parenting time rather than custody. Custody deals with decision making authority for MAJOR decisions only in areas of health, education and religion. All other decisions will be made by the person with physical custody at the time of the decision. Given that there are relatively few MAJOR decisions to be made with most kids, many judges default to joint custody unless there is an issue of parental fitness. His DV issues are a concern to me, not your profession.
Lastly, if you both agree, you can submit your agreed parenting plan and the judge enter the orders because he/she will not hear any of the dirty laundry.
Feel free to contact me if you have further questions.
