How do I go about gaining at least joint custody of my child?

A year ago my daughter and I left my ex-fiancé. I didn’t have a car so I rented car and drove my daughter and I from Leland, North Carolina to my mothers in Virginia. I started hanging out with a guy friend of mine that I had been friends with for 10yrs and he wanted a relationship with me. I was reluctant because I had just left a 5yr relationship and I had a child to raise. My friend had previously raised 2 children from long term relationships that were not biologically his which I consider rare anymore and so we started dating. Her father FaceTimed every night to talk to her and I allowed it because I think it’s very important for a child to have a relationship with their parents regardless of whether the parents get along or not. After a couple weeks he called me and asked if he could keep her for a week that he had taken a week off of work. I said no problem and he came and picked her up. A week went by and he told me he wasn’t giving her back. I had stayed with my friend for the past week and was considering moving in with him and my ex disagreed. He took me to court behind my back and I wasn’t able to go to the court date due to it being 8hrs away so I lost ALL of my rights