I am separated and living in another residence. My "friend" is staying with me and my children have been introduced to him. My soon-to-be-ex husband does not want them to know this person as he says it's too early in the divorce process. I am keeping it light and only allowing my "friend" to sleep on my couch. There is no contact between us, while my children are in residence. I have handled 90 % of all my childrens Dr.s visits, school meetings etc. Can my ex force this issue or demand that I do not have them around another person. Can having someone stay at my residence harm custody rights? there is no drug/alcohol issue, we are not being innappropriate in front of the children, the kids are 10 years old. what should I do or not do?
Are you kidding? The kids have already figured out what is going on, and they are critically vulnerable. There are strong reasons why judges view cohabitation unfavorably. Ask any child psychologist and you will learn that your children have emotional issues with your divorce whether it looks like it to you or not. When you involve the children in a subsequent relationship too early, they "buy into" it because they can see that this is a person that makes mommy happy. They are children. They don't have strong emotional defenses. They attach emotionally to the friend. Then when you break up with your boyfriend the children experience another loss not unlike the original divorce. Often this leaves the children in deep emotional turmoil at a time when mommy is not in a position to recognize the needs of the children and provide support. Knowing this, what do you think you should do?
Best wishes for a result that nurtures the best interests of the children, and please remember to designate a best answer.
It has been my experience that not all judges view cohabitation, in and of itself, unfavorably. Would it be better to not have your boyfriend sleeping on the couch? - probably - but I don't believe that that in itself would a reason to deny you any custody rights. The fact that there are no drugs and alcohol in the picture is important - and the children's safety is of utmost importance. I am assuming there is no criminal record. If the court has any questions as to the children's environment, it will order that psychological evaluations be conducted by a psychologist or psychiatrist. The evaluation process will include the children, the parents and anyone else in the children's home, which would include your boyfriend. As long as your children are happy, healthy, doing well in school, I would suggest that you trust your best judgment as to what is in the children's "best interest." That being said, your husband may have a totallly different take on the situation. My advice would be to consult with a family law attorney who could more thoroughly address all of the legal aspects of your situation.
