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Anonymous3 views3 answers
I am divorced mother with full legal and physical custody of my daughter. My ex husband is on a mission to prove that I am a bad parent and contest the custody/visitation arrangement. My daughter gets occasional caughs, runny noses and sneezes quite often. My ex is saying that she is too sick for daycare. I work and have to put her to daycare. He suggests that I have to let him know that she is "sick" so he will stay home with her, in addition to his scheduled visitation. That of course will make him look as a better parent and be to his advantage if he tries to contest custody arrangement. I keep refusing him the opportunity to stay home with her. She never has fever or anything serious. Could it make me look like a bad parent if I keep sending her to daycare with those symptoms?
My ex also exaggerates her condition every time. After he picks her up from daycare, he sends me an email saying that "our daughter was sneezing, had a runny nose and looked too sick and exousted for day care. You should stay home with her tomorrow, or let her stay at my house so I could take care of her".
Mary Katherine BrownFamily Law AttorneyBrooklyn, NY ·
If your ex is available to "stay home" with your daughter when she is sick, it MAY appear unreasonable in some circumstances for you to choose other options. That said, just because your ex is available doesn't mean you have to have him in your home or that you must subject your sick child to travel so she can convalesce with your ex instead of another caregiver. Moreover, sneezes, coughs and runny noses are so common among young children as to be completely unremarkable in most instances. If you've explored your daughter's health with her pediatrician and you've been given the OK to send her to school/daycare, then there is no reason to feel guilty (or vulnerable to custody attack) for doing so. Just consider your ex's "concern" as a warning to keep yourself on heightened alert and to be sure you communicate frequently with your daughter's caregivers and pediatrician so you have plenty of "professional" backup for your parental judgment calls. I'm sorry, it can be a tiresome way to live always on the defensive, but you'll gain confidence over time and eventually your ex's comments, etc. won't cause you so much worry. Also, the longer the current custody arrangement endures, the harder it will be for your ex to make a big to do about nothing. Obviously, you would not send your daughter to daycare if she were truly ill. If you don't have a regular caregiver who can come to your home if you should have to go to work when your daughter is ill, I suggest you get one. Good luck!
Robert A. StumpfBankruptcy AttorneyStaten Island, NY ·
You have to use your best judgment under the circumstances and worry about his actions second. Did you discuss with daycare management her situation and sending her anyway?
I agree with my colleagues. You should ask her doctor if sending her to daycare with those symptoms is reasonable. The doctor's answer will be an important factor to consider. The dad's situation of being available to stay home while she is "sick" appears to be reasonable, but may not be practical. Each case is unique. You should really consult a child custody attorney in your area.
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